Gotta get there with you .

Gotta get there with you . <body>

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Thursday, August 27, 2009 @ 7:51 PM

Some people said to me , " Shekyn , I miss the old you . " .
All i could reply was my forced grin . Ive been asking myself , why am i sacrificing when i dont get anything positive in return . Now , i really dont understand my life , myself . Since i changed to SP , i really cant change back to SA fully . Im a different person , im not SA nor SP . Its like im combined now , SA and SP . Im so lost in the world of broken heart and fragile-ness of my heart . Im doing badly in studies and idk when this things gonna stop . If it wasnt you who end it , i life wouldnt have turned out this way . Although i know , this is a test for me but its too hard from me to handle , because i have to handle on my own . Even if someone asked me whether they could helped me out , i said NO because i dont want to burden anyone because of something , because its my problem , my mind set is that , its my problem , i solved it on my own , just by myself but the actual fact , i need helping hands . All this while , ive not really spoken the truth to anyone , my mouth gets heavier each day to tell those truths . So i just kept quite and keep it inside . Thats when no one knows , everything happened hurts me alot . Im not good at expressing myself . No , im not good at telling truths . Yes , im good at giving those fake smiles , fake laughters , pretending im fine , yes . Im good at those things . Yes , every step i fall , i stand and save myself eventhough it takes time and this things will repeat . As i grew older each time , i learnt something new , i became much more wise . Im good at keeping secrets . Too good . Till i never find a way to let it go and just have to keep it inside . Im so weak now . So weak . Im not like how you looked at me , no im not .
Im so so far from perfect . Although there's a phrase saying , " No One Is Perfect " . I have my wishes , I have my hopes and im still not sure , when can i achieve them . When can i have my happiness back ? When can i have my love back ? .... the saddest part is that everyone's changing , world has turned upside down now .

love , why are you doing this to me ? WHY ?! when you know , what i wanted all this while , is a reasonable answer from you . thats all . if you dont feel like going on this relationship anymore , just tell me , i can end it off . dont keep me waiting/hanging here like an idiotic , crazy girl . pls , im so tired and so sick of waiting . you should understand , im giving you a way now . i need an answer asap , an explanation . you are not cooperating , how am i supposed to be good , you dont care , so what am i supposed to react ? ive tried my best and im tired . if im really too tired . i tell you , i will not hesitate to end this . really . even if i have to break those promises . i texted , you hang it like how our relationship is hanging on . you wont be calling . omfg . im so not convinced all this while . maybe yes , for awhile but not anymore now . im lost in your world .
no i dont wanna go to bed , mad at you cause i can't sleep thru the pain .

Labels: say goodbye . ego just change everything .

and

when

hope

is

gone