Gotta get there with you .

so emotional ?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 @ 6:22 PM

hey .

holiday just so sucky . felt life so miserable . oh god . im stucked in this moment .
missing my dearest fellow crazy friends . missing my bby . missing the sisters .
missing the jokes , the stoopid jokes which either makes me go angry or laugh like hell .
or when i gone crazy . & thats it , ppl have to entertain my crazyness . hehs .
best kn , ltr they join , they go -drunked-crazy- like me . but wait , im not drunked that moment , but yah . im not . hehs . im dramaing only . heh .
kay yah , stop here . let me tell about my feelings now .
so confusing , hurtful , yah ?
why do i cried when he said that ? even if he didnt notice i cried infront of him .
but yah , why im feeling so down , hurted , confused , why my life bcum miserable this holiday , why felt so lonely , why so terrible feeling ?
actually , being honest , nothing bad happened but yah fr me my situation just feeling so bad
no one knows , this terrible feeling , no one sees , no one feels .
nothing happened , but yah , god knows everything .
difficult to explaen , dont asked me why . its hard .
this strong lost feeling , just push me back out the door .
pushing me to the werl , no way to get out , no one , no air , hard to breathe , everywhere i go , all black ?
no rainbow , no colour , all black & white , so dull .
no hopes , dher is , only being with my dearest fren and my bby .
they give me hopes , but it will fade away , just like that after a few days .
cuz , having hopes is just no use , just hoping , & i just cant make it .
i only can make it when i have supports from behind . or front ?
with the power to survive & with the spirit ? kae nehmind . hehs .
no one understands , hard for me to tell .
no one hears my silent scream .
no one sees my silent cry .
i may be laughing all day all night , smiling widely .
but its just not real , not right . just a stoopid smile & laugh , which is actually fake & seriously , doesnt make me happy .
just not right , just not true , everything just doesnt go the way i wanted , just wrong .
and all this , comes from my scary feeling . im afraid , which makes me cry .
im scared , thats why i feel lost , im afraid , idk why .
this frightening feeling just makes me go . . . ?
lost . show me the right way . pls .
and yah , i wont be telling anyone . or even him , cuz i just want him to enjoy his days .
let it be , ill be fine .

shikin will be back to her way soon .